Relationships thrive in separation, much more than in obsessive communication

Posted: February 15, 2017 in Uncategorized

While today’s generation is so obsessed with communication, one must not be blind to the adverse effects of it. People say that the more you communicate, the closer you get to one another. It strengthens relationships. I dare say, it is absolute nonsense! And I’ll explain you why. Feel free to disagree.

Relationship in itself is an illusion. At least, I call it so. We are born as individuals, and we die as individuals. Our relationships are nothing but attempts to socialize. We feel good to be in a community, and in company of the ones we are fond of. When we build a relationship, we mutually create images of each other in our minds. These images stick to us in a way which makes us comprehend the other person. For example, the way someone thinks of me is not my true self. It is an image of myself that he/she has created in his/her mind. That image has been created not just based on my attitude, behavior, actions, reactions and my personality, but also based on the nature and perception of the other person who has created my image. When the person likes me or dislikes me, loves me or hates me, it is essentially that image which he/she likes or dislikes, loves or hates. It is therefore a fact that we are seen differently by different people. We don’t change, but our images do.

You might be wondering why I am relating this image with communication. The reason is simple. Every communication between two entities or individuals will modify the images that they have created for one another. The more frequently you communicate, the more frequently the image modifies itself. Now, in today’s time, people can’t just get rid of their habit of getting into smart-phone conversations. So there is continuous communication. In other words, an image of a person created in another person’s mind is in continuous modification. A continuous flux. The image is therefore not stable. It is blurry and mostly an in-transition image. This is often a reason why doubts creep in, and destroys the purity of an image. An image of certainty apparently appears blurry and mystic. Unable to ascertain faith on the image, people act and react. Gradually the image becomes even more blurry, if not faint.

Take yourself back to what the situation was a few decades back. People seldom had the opportunity to communicate. Once they did, there was a lot of excitement. An element of attachment and joy. Why? Because the communication was rebuilding the image that was under threat of being faded away with time. The change in image was not perceived as a change. It was more of a re-construction, a re-creation, a reprise. An added certainty to a certain image. Therefore, communication helped. It reinforced trust and confidence in relationships.

But time has changed now, and so have the situations. Had communication strengthened relationships, we would have had the strongest relationships in our generation. But the fact is, human relationships are becoming weaker and fragile, day by day. Statistics will show you the proof. There is an optimal point and a threshold value which we have crossed. Communication (the obsessive communication) therefore, no longer strengthens us. They don’t make us intimate. They, in fact, make us separate. However, the image can be perceived and preserved even if communication stops. In fact, you can seal the image with a stamp of certainty, till it fades away naturally with time. It reminds me of a poem I wrote a few years back. The poem ends with these lines …

“You may wish to part away from me, as a matter of your choice;

But who are you to shatter the image that I’ve created of you?”

                                                                                                                         -Amartya Bhattacharyya


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